Pieces of me………

‘Life is no straight and easy corridor along which we travel free and unhampered, but a maze of passages, through which we must seek our way, lost and confused, now and again checked in a blind alley. But always, if we have faith, God will open doors for us, not perhaps one that we ourselves would ever have thought of, but one that will ultimately prove good for us.

A.J Cronin

"God will provide" has always been my friend’s favorite answer each time I asked him questions beginning with "How". I used to get so mad with him for such an answer because that answer never solved my problems……. These days, I see the relevance in his answer. Life is of course never easy but why worry so much about things when there is no solution in some of it. There are certain things in life which we have no control over, therefore, I guess we have to let nature take its cause and allow things to settle naturally. Sometimes, the time we used to worry over things can be put into better use. Why not spend the time more wisely and not worry about things that need not be worried upon? I believe that God loves us, therefore, He will not allow horrible things to happen to us. But that does not mean that i should live a reckless life for God only helps those who help themselves. The trials that we face in life is meant for us to be a stronger person, for us to be able to experience, to improve ourselves and perhaps it is also for us to be human, to feel how does it feel like to be in the shoes of the less fortunate, to let us experience what suffering is like so that we will be able to learn to care, to love, to journey and to live with God’s creation. To be alive means to have feelings, to be able to experience happiness, sadness, anxiety, to cry, to smile, to laugh…. My life is not perfect. I’ve been through a lot of trials and there are moments which I’m not proud of. Some problems never end and some stories in my life did not have a happy ending. Yet, I’m still alive today and I believe that I’m not too badly off. At times, life sucks but if I allow myself to forget those negative experiences, I think life is rather beautiful. opportunities have come and gone, sometimes I make the very best out of it and sometimes I just ruin those opportunities with my bare hands. But each time I ruin my life, a new opportunity comes in, giving me hope to go on with life…..go i guess God does open many doors for me and He will continue to do so as long as I continue to have faith in Him.

Today’s newspaper read ‘Leon’s hearse visits school to fulfill his last wish’

12 year old Leon Gomez had lost his seven-month battle to cancer and that his parents had arranged for the hearse that carried the body of the 12 year old to visit his school for one last time before his funeral service. I felt sad reading the news. 1 young boy who had such a bright future ahead of him had died and I’m sure if he had a choice, he would not have chosen to end his life at such a young age.

Last night, I received news that one of my Juniors is fighting for his life in the hospital and that doctors have asked for the priest to give him the final sacrament. I was stunned to hear the news. No, he was not suffering from lymphoma, or any other type of cancer or disease. I never heard him say that he was ill. When I saw him two months ago, he was as playful and cheeky as ever. It’s so hard to imagine and believe that he is now lying in the hospital bed and fighting for his dear life.

Sense of regrets overshadowed me; the ‘I wish I had’ feelings came rushing into my head. I might never even get to see this guy ever again, not even be able to visit him in the hospital. Life is so vulnerable and unpredictable. I tried to convince myself that maybe he will pull through but it seems impossible unless a miracle happens.

I dare not ask God why he allowed this guy and his family to experience such pain all I can do now is pray and hope that God is merciful enough to give him a second chance to carry on with his life and complete his studies.

Last night, as I lay on my bed, I thought of my own life and of the people around me. I thought of how I had taken people for granted and how I sometimes hurt their feelings. I thought of the person that I love and yet hurt so much; I tried to imagine how things would be if suddenly his life is taken away…….gosh I don’t want that to happen……no doubt, he has hurt my feelings but I don’t think I can bare the pain of loosing him and not having him by my side anymore……life is so precious, it’s so vital to treat those around us well and appreciate them as if it was the last time we would see them………why hurt others?…….life is vulnerable, tomorrow cannot be predicted and the opportunity to say sorry might not even come.