When………….?
I have been going for pretty much a few exposure visits in different places. Somehow, i had feelings of affection towards my hosts in the exposure sites. When I went to Ulu Lumanak, I told myself i want to visit them again (but of course i knew it would be difficult because the interior of Sarawak is a bit too far and I should be realistic), I went to Tanah Gembur, Tangkak and i told myself that i want to visit my adopted orang asli family again, but until today, i have yet to do so. Few weeks back, I went to Bidor to visit Abri & Tijah’s kampung, i told myself that i want to go back there again.
Today, i checked my email and saw that Suzana from ulu lumanak has emailed me saying that she is now studying in Johor. Her mail brings much joy to my depressing heart. I hope i shall stay in touch with her. I want to visit baby Eric in Tanah Gembur and Abri & TIjah again in Bidor. The anxious feeling in my heart is strong, will i have the courage to go and visit them on my own? I really don’t know, what’s stopping me so much? I’m searching for the courage and the confidence to get things done right….there is so much i want to do and so many hearts i’d love to touch but i fear rejection so much, ….God help me, why am i so unconfident with myself? I feel like a wasted clay…hopeless and useless….
